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The best inheritance  parents can give their children is a few minutes of their time each day.

"Unexpressed feeling never die. They are buried alive and come back later in ugly ways." (Stephen Covey)

Parents are the external regulator for kids who cannot regulate themselves.

The mistake that Sharon and I both made is we never set any boundaries.  (Ozzy Osbourne)

It's more effective to reward your child for being "good" (appropriate) than to punish him for being "bad" (inappropriate).

Children mimic well. They catch what they see better than they follow what they hear.

The teenage years require a delicate balance between the young person's need to gain independence, and the parent's need to retain authority.

Setting limits teaches your children valuable skills they will use the rest of their lives. One day, they will report to a job where their ability to follow rules will dictate their success.

"To be a man, a boy must see a man."  (J.R. Moehringer)

Don't wait for him to turn 10 before you reveal that you are not in fact the hired help whose job it is to clean up after him.

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Tactics for Tantrums (part 1)

My next several posts will offer ideas about handling toddler’s tantrums. They are based on the premise that some tantrum throwing will and should occur and that our job as parents is to make it as painless as possible for all participants.

1. The Ignore Tactic

To use the ignore tactic the parent totally ignores the child’s dramatic performance. Look busy. Bustle around the house, sweeping, dusting or stacking magazines. Do not, however, try to read a book. It’s best to remain a moving target. For the child, getting up and following the parent around takes a lot of steam out of the tantrum itself. The method is listed first because it is usually  the least effective although from a theoretical perspective, it is the best. Its success depends on the parent’s ability to outlast the child, and we all learn at some time or another who averages the most staying power.

2. The “I Feel” Technique

Try to describe the child’s feelings for him. “Wow! You’re really angry, aren’t you? I can tell you’re angry by the way you’re acting (understatement). But I understand how you feel. Maybe you can tell me how you feel so angry.” Avoid asking “why”, because this is either unanswerable or opens a whole new can of worms; at any rate, it usually causes additional frustration for the child. This technique can help encourage the child to express feelings and will hopefully begin to foster his ability to use verbal expression in place of violent emotion. It also lets him know you understand and care. (Beware; this method requires calmness on the part of the parent. If you’re not feeling patient enough to handle this, do not use it. Otherwise, you might end up like the mother who stood over her child screaming, “I understand how you feel! I understand! You’re angry! Now shut up!”)

(next post – more tactics)

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+ Behaviour Management

This full day or 2 evening workshop will introduce you […]

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+ Lick Your Kids

  “Lick Your Kids” (figuratively not literally) (2 hours) First […]

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+ A Parent’s Guide to the Teenage Brain

  A teenager’s brain is not just an adult brain […]

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+ Reading Rescue

A program for children with reading problems

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+ Taming a Toddler

Many parents wonder what hit them when their sweet little baby turns into an unreasonable toddler – ideas for dealing with mealtime, bedtime, temper tanturms, toilet training, noncompliance, etc.

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Phone: (519) 485-4678
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