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If there is no relationship - nothing else matters !

The best inheritance  parents can give their children is a few minutes of their time each day.

Removing a child from a traumatic environment does not remove the trauma from the child's memory.

Relationships matter:  change comes through forming trusting relationships. People, not programs change people.

Hurt people hurt people.

"Parents aren't the cause of ADHD, but they are part of the solution." (Kenny Handleman, M.D.)

It's more effective to reward your child for being "good" (appropriate) than to punish him for being "bad" (inappropriate).

If it  was going to be easy to raise kids, it never would have started with something called "labour".

When a child is disregulated - is the time parents need to be regulated.

The mistake that Sharon and I both made is we never set any boundaries.  (Ozzy Osbourne)

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Tactics for Tantrums (part 1)

My next several posts will offer ideas about handling toddler’s tantrums. They are based on the premise that some tantrum throwing will and should occur and that our job as parents is to make it as painless as possible for all participants.

1. The Ignore Tactic

To use the ignore tactic the parent totally ignores the child’s dramatic performance. Look busy. Bustle around the house, sweeping, dusting or stacking magazines. Do not, however, try to read a book. It’s best to remain a moving target. For the child, getting up and following the parent around takes a lot of steam out of the tantrum itself. The method is listed first because it is usually  the least effective although from a theoretical perspective, it is the best. Its success depends on the parent’s ability to outlast the child, and we all learn at some time or another who averages the most staying power.

2. The “I Feel” Technique

Try to describe the child’s feelings for him. “Wow! You’re really angry, aren’t you? I can tell you’re angry by the way you’re acting (understatement). But I understand how you feel. Maybe you can tell me how you feel so angry.” Avoid asking “why”, because this is either unanswerable or opens a whole new can of worms; at any rate, it usually causes additional frustration for the child. This technique can help encourage the child to express feelings and will hopefully begin to foster his ability to use verbal expression in place of violent emotion. It also lets him know you understand and care. (Beware; this method requires calmness on the part of the parent. If you’re not feeling patient enough to handle this, do not use it. Otherwise, you might end up like the mother who stood over her child screaming, “I understand how you feel! I understand! You’re angry! Now shut up!”)

(next post – more tactics)

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Many parents wonder what hit them when their sweet little baby turns into an unreasonable toddler – ideas for dealing with mealtime, bedtime, temper tanturms, toilet training, noncompliance, etc.

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