Question from a parent of a 10 year old girl.

Question: “What can I do when my daughter kicks up a big fuss about having to go with the family to my 7 year old son’s soccer game?

My Suggestion: Tell her – “Honey, you do not have to go to the game. Dad can take him and I’ll stay with you. But understand that you will not be able to go to your friends house for the sleep over tomorrow night and you won’t be going to the theatre with us on the weekend to see that movie you have been talking about. We’ll get a sitter. The choice is yours. We’re leaving for the game in 10 minutes. You be in the car if you chose to go” – then walk away with no negotiations.

The Result: The mother spoke in a quiet, direct tone. There was no hint of anger. She confirmed that the decision was the daughter’s to make. She clearly spelled out what the consequences would be if the daughter refused to go to the game. There was no question in the daughter’s mind that mom was serious. The daughter was in the car on time and in a good mood and everybody had a good time. The son scored the winning goal.

Epilogue: The key to this approach is for the parent to remain “regulated”. It is essential that the parent walk away after clearly and briefly explaining the consequences with no further discussion. A lengthy discussion between mom and daughter would likely result in angry emotions bubbling to the top. Walking away gives the daughter a little space and time to consider her options and she chose the best one.