Mom’s Manifesto
This was taken from Kirk Martin’s newsletter (www.celebrate calm.com) and is worthy to pass on to parents who are being “stretched” by the attitudes and behaviour of their teenage children.
Mom’s Manifesto for Personal and Family Sanity (what I will do and what I’ll stop doing)
1. I will stop telling you what you should do and dumping my anxiety about your future on you. It’s your life, not mine, and you’re very capable of making good decisions. (This is hard for me, so if you catch me doing it, give me a “time out” sign and I will stop immediately.)
2. I will stop taking on responsibility for your job (Sarah) and your education (David). I can be a resource, but I can’t do it for you, and I shouldn’t try.
3. I will continue to help you think through your personal, educational and career goals, and to help you find the resources to meet them to the extent that you want me to.
4. I will stop blaming you for my negative moods and emotions, or for poor choices that I make. You are not responsible for my happiness and well-being. I am.
5. I will stop taking responsibility for your happiness and well-being, for your negative moods and emotions, or for poor choices that you make. They are your responsibilities, not mine.
6. I will respect myself and care about you enough to refuse to allow you to bully me, threatren me, insult me, use offensive language around me or harm me or my property in any way.
7. I will stop nagging you about helping me around the house. (If I start, give me the “time out” sign!)
8. I will provide for your basic food, clothing, educational and medical needs. Anything else you want me to pay for will depend on the degree to which you contribute to the running of the household.
9. I will make one meal a day for the family and provide healthy food for you to fix for breakfast and lunch. You’re welcome to help plan a weekly menu and shopping list.
10. I will have fun, enjoy my life and live it well, whether the people around me do or not! I will love, encourage, enjoy, praise and pray for you. But I will not be responsible for your choices.