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Criticism is not a motivator.

The quickest way to change your child’s behaviour is to first change your own.

"Rules without relationship leads to rebellion" (Josh McDowell)

We should not medicate the boys so they fit the school; we should change the school to fit the boy. (Leonard Sax, M.D. Ph.D)

The best inheritance  parents can give their children is a few minutes of their time each day.

When a child is disregulated - is the time parents need to be regulated.

Don't wait for him to turn 10 before you reveal that you are not in fact the hired help whose job it is to clean up after him.

The challenge of adolescence is to balance the right of the parents to feel they are in charge with the need of the adolescent to gain independence.

If there is no relationship - nothing else matters !

If you (parents) tend to overreact to your child's misbehaviour - your child learns that he can't trust you. Mom, Dad, stay regulated!

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Lying

 

 

LYING
Little children keep no secrets –
but that changes overtime.
 
At some point children realize that parents are not all knowing. It becomes possible to influence what their parents know about their actions and thoughts. They learn that information is power and concealing information makes them feel powerful. Lying and truth telling have powerful consequences and the drive to gain control of those consequences by hiding truth is something that manifests itself early in life.
 
Early psychologists took the position that children did not have the intellectual capacity to lie (eg. Jean Piaget). New evidence suggests that even young children sometimes do lie.
 
Motivations for lying:
                  a) to avoid punishment
                  b) to keep a “game” going
                  c) to keep a promise (eg. this will be our secret)
                  d) to gain something personally
                  e) to avoid being embarrassed
                  f)  to build themselves up
 
Children will lie about events when they have sufficient reason to gain something by lying.
 
Often parents have a difficult time accepting this fact. “My child would not lie to me. I know him. I would know if she lied to me.” We want so much to extend the days of childhood innocence for as long as possible, until all proof to the contrary has been established.
 
At first children may be clumsy about using this newfound ability to pretend and misrepresent themselves, however these early attempts set the stage for a long process of learning to differentiate truth from fiction, the motivation to tell the truth and the savvy to know all the social conventions about when not telling the truth is acceptable (white lies).
 
Children lie – but in adolescence the stakes increase dramatically !

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Workshops

+ Behaviour Management (now available online)

This full day or 2 evening workshop will introduce you […]

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+ Lick Your Kids

  “Lick Your Kids” (figuratively not literally) (2 hours) First […]

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+ A Parent’s Guide to the Teenage Brain

  A teenager’s brain is not just an adult brain […]

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+ Reading Rescue

A program for children with reading problems

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+ Taming a Toddler

Many parents wonder what hit them when their sweet little baby turns into an unreasonable toddler – ideas for dealing with mealtime, bedtime, temper tanturms, toilet training, noncompliance, etc.

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See more of our workshops


Contact

2720 Rath Street, Putnam, Ontario
NOL 2BO

Phone: (519) 485-4678
Fax: (519) 485-0281

Email: info@rickharper.ca

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Parents' Comments

“Rick’s approach is so logical. He helped us clearly define the problem, analyze what has happened and select the best strategy. We now feel empowered to do something positive for our kid”

(A.N. – Tillsonburg)