welcome image

Parenting style matters - a lot!

"Moody" and "unpredictable" are adjectives parents will often use when referring to their teenagers.

The mistake that Sharon and I both made is we never set any boundaries.  (Ozzy Osbourne)

If it  was going to be easy to raise kids, it never would have started with something called "labour".

If you (parents) tend to overreact to your child's misbehaviour - your child learns that he can't trust you. Mom, Dad, stay regulated!

We should not medicate the boys so they fit the school; we should change the school to fit the boy. (Leonard Sax, M.D. Ph.D)

If you are headed in the wrong direction as a parent - you are allowed to make a U-turn.

"To be a man, a boy must see a man."  (J.R. Moehringer)

Criticism is not a motivator.

The more 2 parents differ in their approaches to discipline, the more likely it leads to trouble for the child.

Learn more.

Handling a “Manipulative” Tantrum

  • don’t give in unless your original demand/denial is unreasonable
  • if it is unreasonable, be prepared to change your mind
  • you must send a message that tantrums don’t work
  • if you give in, you are reinforcing tantrums
  • your attitude should be “firm”
  • do not be too sympathetic – avoid saying “I’m sorry you’re upset and crying, perhaps you can have a lollipop later” but rather “You cannot have a lollipop, that’s all there is to it”

Appropriate Behavioural Strategies

  1. prevention
  2. redirection / distraction
  3. extinction
  4. time out
  5. withdrawal of privilege
  6. reinforce appropriate responses
  7. physical guidance

It is best to deal with manipulative tantrums with a consistent approach. Be firm, don’t give in, stay single minded, ignore “red herrings”, don’t get drawn into negotiations.

“Track” with the child during “teachable” moments.

“Reinforce” appropriate responses.

Next post – handling a “temperamental” tantrum

Back to Top

Workshops

+ Behaviour Management

This full day or 2 evening workshop will introduce you […]

Learn more

+ Lick Your Kids

  “Lick Your Kids” (figuratively not literally) (2 hours) First […]

Learn more

+ A Parent’s Guide to the Teenage Brain

  A teenager’s brain is not just an adult brain […]

Learn more

+ Reading Rescue

A program for children with reading problems

Learn more

+ Taming a Toddler

Many parents wonder what hit them when their sweet little baby turns into an unreasonable toddler – ideas for dealing with mealtime, bedtime, temper tanturms, toilet training, noncompliance, etc.

Learn more

See more of our workshops


Contact

2720 Rath Street, Putnam, Ontario
NOL 2BO

Phone: (519) 485-4678
Fax: (519) 485-0281

Email: info@rickharper.ca

Archive


Parents' Comments

“Rick’s approach is so logical. He helped us clearly define the problem, analyze what has happened and select the best strategy. We now feel empowered to do something positive for our kid”

(A.N. – Tillsonburg)