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It's more effective to reward your child for being "good" (appropriate) than to punish him for being "bad" (inappropriate).

Hurt people hurt people.

Criticism is not a motivator.

"Unexpressed feeling never die. They are buried alive and come back later in ugly ways." (Stephen Covey)

Early intervention is always better than crisis management - but it is never too late to do the right thing.

Relationships matter:  change comes through forming trusting relationships. People, not programs change people.

Some hope their children will be like sponges soaking up the truth and wisdom imparted by their parents. However appealing this philosophy might be, it seldom seems to catch on with their children.

Many clinicians find it easier to tell parents their child has a brain-based disorder than suggest parenting changes. Jennifer Harris (psychiatrist)

The challenge of adolescence is to balance the right of the parents to feel they are in charge with the need of the adolescent to gain independence.

"Rules without relationship leads to rebellion" (Josh McDowell)

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Dry Bed Training (part 3)

Dry Bed Training (Part 3)
Treatment Options # 1-4
1.Habit Changing
– reduce fluid intake after supper may be a reasonable start
– reduce fluids containing caffeine
– ensure the child “completely” voids before bed
2. Rewards & Punishments
– using rewards and punishments for a behaviour while
sleeping us usually a no win situation
– rewards MAY have a place but there will be no greater reward
for the child than to wake up dry in the morning
– there is absolutely no place for punishing a child for doing
something in his sleep

3. Night Lifting (getting the child up to go to the bathroom)
– frequently done by parents before they go to bed
– there is no reliable evidence to support night lifting (that I can
find) and considerable research condemning it
– passes responsibility onto others- it should belong to
the child
– creates tension between child and parent – the child
usually does not want to get up – not a good to
engage in a battle
– reinforces wetting wile asleep because the child may
appear to be fully awake but more likely to still
be asleep

4. Bladder Training (N.B. – the child should be examined by a doctor to ensure there are no structural problems in the urinary organs or urinary tract infection before attempting bladder training)
There are 2 physical problems that may respond to bladder training:
a) weak sphincter muscle at base of bladder
b) small “functional” bladder capacity
The sphincter muscle at the base of the bladder is sensitive to pressure. Initially the slightest pressure of urine triggers the reflex action in a baby and he/she expels urine immediately. However, as the child matures and develops, the neurological and urinary systems are conditioned to retain urine for longer periods.
Bladder training means to systematically exercise the sphincter muscle in hopes of developing it faster. We want it to move past the reflex stage so it will be able to retain using longer and come under conscience control.
The second part of bladder training involves conditioning it to hold more – in essence increasing the bladder capacity which reduces the frequency of urination. In reality we do not change the actual size of the bladder but we can train it to hold more releasing it. Doctors tell us that a developing child will naturally pass more using with each voiding as he gets older. The actual size of bladders from one child to another varies little however the FUNCTIONAL CAPACITY can vary enormously.
Bed wetters typically urinate small amounts with each voiding. Their bladders are roughly the same size as non bed wetters but they have not been conditioned to hold more – the enuretic child passes about 50% of the volume of urine with each voiding as the non bed wetters.
The experts suggest a procedure that is designed to address both problems at once. The process is simple but, but at first may sound counterproductive – DRINK WATER , LOTS OF IT. When the child feels the need to void, encourage him to hold on as long as possible. Two good things happen if the child cooperates and does this over a period of time;
1) the sphincter becomes conditioned to withstand increased
pressure before responding to ref;ex and opening
prematurely
2) the amount of urine the bladder will accommodate between
voidings will increase
When these two things happen sufficiently, the child will be dry at night – guaranteed!

To be continued

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+ Behaviour Management (now available online)

This full day or 2 evening workshop will introduce you […]

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+ Lick Your Kids

  “Lick Your Kids” (figuratively not literally) (2 hours) First […]

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+ A Parent’s Guide to the Teenage Brain

  A teenager’s brain is not just an adult brain […]

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+ Reading Rescue

A program for children with reading problems

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Many parents wonder what hit them when their sweet little baby turns into an unreasonable toddler – ideas for dealing with mealtime, bedtime, temper tanturms, toilet training, noncompliance, etc.

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2720 Rath Street, Putnam, Ontario
NOL 2BO

Phone: (519) 485-4678
Fax: (519) 485-0281

Email: info@rickharper.ca

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Parents' Comments

“Our daughter was the joy of our life until she turned 13, then all hell broke loose. Rick helped us understand what was happening to her and we made some adjustments that helped us get through it. She’s now in University and doing well.”

(D.A. – St. Thomas)