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The teenage years require a delicate balance between the young person's need to gain independence, and the parent's need to retain authority.

A tantruming toddler is a little ball of writhing muscle and incredible strength. It's like trying to carry a greased pig past a slop bucket.

Relationships matter:  change comes through forming trusting relationships. People, not programs change people.

It is what we say and do when we're angry that creates the very model our children will follow when dealing with their own frustrations.

The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice. (Peggy O'Mara)

Simple rules adhered to when children are young can prevent more serious problems later.

Criticism is not a motivator.

Children today are under enormous pressures rarely experienced by their parents or grandparents. Many of today's children are being enticed to grow up too quickly and are encountering challenges for which they are totally unprepared.

"Unexpressed feeling never die. They are buried alive and come back later in ugly ways." (Stephen Covey)

"To be a man, a boy must see a man."  (J.R. Moehringer)

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Types of Temper Tantrums

There are 2 types of tantrums:

  1. manipulative (child is trying to get his own way – conscious, planned, controlled)
  2. temperamental (child can’t help it – he is truly “out of control”)

Both types can look the same and one form can lead into another. A temperamental tantrum acquires a manipulative quality when the child comes to understand the value of what he’s is doing.

Guidelines to Help Distinguish the Two Types

  • the manipulative tantrum is typically less intense
  • the manipulative tantrum is clearly the result of the child not getting something he wants
  • the motive is obvious for manipulative tantrums – you don’t need to look very hard to find it
  • the temperament tantrum relates to an underlying temperamental issue
  • you typically feel sorry for a child having a temperamental tantrum because “he can’t help it”
  • a manipulative tantrum feels like he’s trying to get his own way

Next post – handling a “manipulative” tantrum.

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Workshops

+ Behaviour Management (now available online)

This full day or 2 evening workshop will introduce you […]

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+ A Parent’s Guide to the Teenage Brain

  A teenager’s brain is not just an adult brain […]

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+ Reading Rescue

A program for children with reading problems

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+ A Guided Tour of ADHD (now available online)

This workshop will present the facts, myths, misconceptions, controversy and […]

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