welcome image

Don't wait for him to turn 10 before you reveal that you are not in fact the hired help whose job it is to clean up after him.

If you are headed in the wrong direction as a parent - you are allowed to make a U-turn.

If it  was going to be easy to raise kids, it never would have started with something called "labour".

Children do not develop on their own - they only develop within relationships.

Children fare better when expectations on them are clear and firm.

Whining and crying are employed by kids for the purpose of getting something. If it works, then it was worth the effort and will be repeated.

Many clinicians find it easier to tell parents their child has a brain-based disorder than suggest parenting changes. Jennifer Harris (psychiatrist)

It's more effective to reward your child for being "good" (appropriate) than to punish him for being "bad" (inappropriate).

Relationships matter:  change comes through forming trusting relationships. People, not programs change people.

Criticism is not a motivator.

Learn more.

Advice for Parents re: getting to dry

Advice for parents re: bladder training

It makes some sense to reduce the intake of water after supper. Even adults who have consumed larger amounts to drink shortly before bedtime may find themselves being wakened more in the middle of the night by the urge to go to the bathroom. For a bed wetting child, drinking a lot before bed may be asking for trouble. So after the child eats supper – liquids could be discouraged – but not prohibited. I would ask the child to not drink anything after supper unless he/she was pretty thirsty and I would leave the judgement of “pretty thirst” entirely in his/her hands. If I saw him/her drinking after supper, I would assume that he/she needs it and not say anything about it. Now it may very well be that he/she could survive without it, but it’s not worth having an argument over and we are placing the responsibility for his drinking intake in his/her responsibility where it should be. Besides, unnecessary tension is much worse for a child who wets than unnecessary liquids.
The one exception I would suggest at this point is the bed wetting child who takes a bottle to bed. I suggest you eliminate that as soon as possible.
In a nut shell the experts recommend “A lot more water during the day, less to drink after supper and a visit to the toilet before going to bed.”

We are trying to accomplish 2 things:
1) increase functional bladder capacity
2) develop greater control of the bladder sphincter

The experts have come up with a plan that can successfully accomplish increased bladder sensitivity.
When you have the urge to go to the bathroom – it is the bladder sphincter that transmit the message to the brain. I’m sure you have all had the experience of needing to go to the bathroom but were unable to do so at that moment – maybe driving the car. So what do you do? – by necessity, you wait – and what usually happens ? – the urge dissipates and you continue driving – sometimes for a long time before the urge returns.
The amount of urine in your bladder has not decreased – you have simply taken a step to condition the sphincter to withstand greater pressure.
You can help an enuretic child achieve greater bladder control and increase his functional bladder capacity by setting up a series of exercises that duplicate your experience in the car.
Simply, at the first need to urinate – wait.
Have the child go for a walk, lie down, play on the computer, read him a story, anything that delays voiding. You might even turn it into a game (try waiting 5 minutes, 7 minutes, 10 minutes, etc.)
When it is not possible to wait any longer have him go to the bathroom, but have him start and stop the urine flow several times during the voiding. It is the sphincter that will control this flow and by starting and stopping, you will be encouraging sphincter control.
If you and the child are so inclined, you can increase the effectiveness by keeping records of the number of washroom visits in a day and the volume of urine produced at each voiding. It is easy and encouraging to see small improvements happening even before we begin to see dry beds. ( anyone interested in keeping records may e-mail me and I can send you blank forms that make this task even easier)

The goal is to have fewer visits to the washroom each day AND increase the average volume per voiding.

This procedure has speeded up the arrival of dry beds for many children.

Back to Top

Workshops

+ Behaviour Management (now available online)

This full day or 2 evening workshop will introduce you […]

Learn more

+ Lick Your Kids

  “Lick Your Kids” (figuratively not literally) (2 hours) First […]

Learn more

+ A Parent’s Guide to the Teenage Brain

  A teenager’s brain is not just an adult brain […]

Learn more

+ Reading Rescue

A program for children with reading problems

Learn more

+ Taming a Toddler

Many parents wonder what hit them when their sweet little baby turns into an unreasonable toddler – ideas for dealing with mealtime, bedtime, temper tanturms, toilet training, noncompliance, etc.

Learn more

See more of our workshops


Contact

2720 Rath Street, Putnam, Ontario
NOL 2BO

Phone: (519) 485-4678
Fax: (519) 485-0281

Email: info@rickharper.ca

Archive


Parents' Comments

“We were so naive. We thought our son’s poor behaviour was just a phase he was passing through. Thankfully you led us ‘out of the wilderness'”

(N.S. – London)