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"Unexpressed feeling never die. They are buried alive and come back later in ugly ways." (Stephen Covey)

Children mimic well. They catch what they see better than they follow what they hear.

Setting limits teaches your children valuable skills they will use the rest of their lives. One day, they will report to a job where their ability to follow rules will dictate their success.

There has been an explosion in the prescribing of medication for very young children, particularly preschool and kindergarten boys (Juli Zito , Univ. of Maryland)

Children do not develop on their own - they only develop within relationships.

Children fare better when expectations on them are clear and firm.

If you (parents) tend to overreact to your child's misbehaviour - your child learns that he can't trust you. Mom, Dad, stay regulated!

Good parenting requires sacrifice. Childhood lasts for only a few brief years , but it should be given priority while it is passing before your eyes

Criticism is not a motivator.

Don't wait for him to turn 10 before you reveal that you are not in fact the hired help whose job it is to clean up after him.

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What is the Best Option for My Child?

The best option is the one that will work for your child. Each one of the approaches has strengths and weaknesses and each could be the “best” or the “worst” depending on specific circumstances. No one of the approaches will meet the needs of all children.

In my opinion, the best course of action for a concerned parent may be to combine several options. The child’s pediatrician should be involved looking for abnormal medical conditions and explaining medication options to the parent. The child may very well have ideas bouncing around in his head that a counsellor could help him sort out and there may be skill deficits that could be corrected with specific remediation.

No matter which combination of approaches you assemble,you will already be using the behavioural approach as you interact with him/her on a day to day basis. The question however is “Are my interactions helping or hindering my child?”

The noted psychologist, Abraham Maslow (Hierarchy of Needs) is quoted as saying “If you’re good with a hammer, everything you see tends to look like a nail”. This quote is relevant for our purpose of determining which approach is best suited for your child because as you talk with different experts, you will undoubtedly hear very different recommendations based on the experts particular specialty, experiences, biases, etc. (in other words “his hammer”)

This explains why you will get such diverse advice from different experts even when they talk about the SAME child:

– “you need to be firmer and more consistent”

– “you’re to strict – loosen up”

– “his behaviour is an expression of his emerging will and sense of self”

– “he has a central auditory processing problem and he needs speech and                          language therapy”

– “give him these pills”

– “it’s just a phase, he’ll grow out of it”

– “he’s just like his father”

No wonder we parents get confused. Even the experts don’t agree!

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Workshops

+ Behaviour Management

This full day or 2 evening workshop will introduce you […]

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+ Lick Your Kids

  “Lick Your Kids” (figuratively not literally) (2 hours) First […]

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+ A Parent’s Guide to the Teenage Brain

  A teenager’s brain is not just an adult brain […]

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+ Reading Rescue

A program for children with reading problems

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+ Taming a Toddler

Many parents wonder what hit them when their sweet little baby turns into an unreasonable toddler – ideas for dealing with mealtime, bedtime, temper tanturms, toilet training, noncompliance, etc.

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See more of our workshops


Contact

2720 Rath Street, Putnam, Ontario
NOL 2BO

Phone: (519) 485-4678
Fax: (519) 485-0281

Email: info@rickharper.ca

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Parents' Comments

“We are foster parents who took in a 13 year old girl (going on 18!) and she ran us through the wringer. Rick helped us learn how to set limits that made the difference.”

(G.E. – Strathroy)