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Removing a child from a traumatic environment does not remove the trauma from the child's memory.

The mistake that Sharon and I both made is we never set any boundaries.  (Ozzy Osbourne)

Parents are the external regulator for kids who cannot regulate themselves.

Adolescence can be the cruelest place on earth. It can really be heartless.  ( Tori Amos)

The quickest way to change your child’s behaviour is to first change your own.

The challenge of adolescence is to balance the right of the parents to feel they are in charge with the need of the adolescent to gain independence.

Criticism is not a motivator.

Hurt people hurt people.

Early intervention is always better than crisis management - but it is never too late to do the right thing.

When a child is disregulated - is the time parents need to be regulated.

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What is the Best Option for My Child?

The best option is the one that will work for your child. Each one of the approaches has strengths and weaknesses and each could be the “best” or the “worst” depending on specific circumstances. No one of the approaches will meet the needs of all children.

In my opinion, the best course of action for a concerned parent may be to combine several options. The child’s pediatrician should be involved looking for abnormal medical conditions and explaining medication options to the parent. The child may very well have ideas bouncing around in his head that a counsellor could help him sort out and there may be skill deficits that could be corrected with specific remediation.

No matter which combination of approaches you assemble,you will already be using the behavioural approach as you interact with him/her on a day to day basis. The question however is “Are my interactions helping or hindering my child?”

The noted psychologist, Abraham Maslow (Hierarchy of Needs) is quoted as saying “If you’re good with a hammer, everything you see tends to look like a nail”. This quote is relevant for our purpose of determining which approach is best suited for your child because as you talk with different experts, you will undoubtedly hear very different recommendations based on the experts particular specialty, experiences, biases, etc. (in other words “his hammer”)

This explains why you will get such diverse advice from different experts even when they talk about the SAME child:

- “you need to be firmer and more consistent”

- “you’re to strict – loosen up”

- “his behaviour is an expression of his emerging will and sense of self”

- “he has a central auditory processing problem and he needs speech and                          language therapy”

- “give him these pills”

- “it’s just a phase, he’ll grow out of it”

- “he’s just like his father”

No wonder we parents get confused. Even the experts don’t agree!

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Workshops

+ Behaviour Management

This full day or 2 evening workshop will introduce you [...]

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+ Lick Your Kids

  “Lick Your Kids” (figuratively not literally) (2 hours) First [...]

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+ A Parent’s Guide to the Teenage Brain

  A teenager’s brain is not just an adult brain [...]

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+ Reading Rescue

A program for children with reading problems

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+ Taming a Toddler

Many parents wonder what hit them when their sweet little baby turns into an unreasonable toddler – ideas for dealing with mealtime, bedtime, temper tanturms, toilet training, noncompliance, etc.

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See more of our workshops


Contact

2720 Rath Street, Putnam, Ontario
NOL 2BO

Phone: (519) 485-4678
Fax: (519) 485-0281

Email: info@rickharper.ca

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Parents' Comments

“Our daughter was the joy of our life until she turned 13, then all hell broke loose. Rick helped us understand what was happening to her and we made some adjustments that helped us get through it. She’s now in University and doing well.”

(D.A. – St. Thomas)