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When a child is disregulated - is the time parents need to be regulated.

If there is no relationship - nothing else matters !

The teenage years require a delicate balance between the young person's need to gain independence, and the parent's need to retain authority.

Children mimic well. They catch what they see better than they follow what they hear.

If you (parents) tend to overreact to your child's misbehaviour - your child learns that he can't trust you. Mom, Dad, stay regulated!

Removing a child from a traumatic environment does not remove the trauma from the child's memory.

Simple rules adhered to when children are young can prevent more serious problems later.

Whining and crying are employed by kids for the purpose of getting something. If it works, then it was worth the effort and will be repeated.

Criticism is not a motivator.

Don't wait for him to turn 10 before you reveal that you are not in fact the hired help whose job it is to clean up after him.

Learn more.

Question from a parent of a 10 year old girl.

Question: “What can I do when my daughter kicks up a big fuss about having to go with the family to my 7 year old son’s soccer game?

My Suggestion: Tell her – “Honey, you do not have to go to the game. Dad can take him and I’ll stay with you. But understand that you will not be able to go to your friends house for the sleep over tomorrow night and you won’t be going to the theatre with us on the weekend to see that movie you have been talking about. We’ll get a sitter. The choice is yours. We’re leaving for the game  in 10 minutes. You be in the car if you chose to go” – then walk away with no negotiations.

The Result: The mother spoke in a quiet, direct tone. There was no hint of anger. She confirmed that the decision was the daughter’s to make. She clearly spelled out what the consequences would be if the daughter refused to go to the game. There was no question in the daughter’s mind that mom was serious. The daughter was in the car on time and in a good mood and  everybody had a good time. The son scored  the winning  goal.

Epilogue: The key to this approach is for the parent to remain “regulated”.  It is essential that the parent walk away after clearly and briefly explaining the consequences with no further discussion. A lengthy discussion between mom and daughter would likely result  in angry emotions bubbling to the top. Walking away gives the daughter a little space and time to consider her options and she chose the best one.

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Workshops

+ Behaviour Management

This full day or 2 evening workshop will introduce you […]

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+ Lick Your Kids

  “Lick Your Kids” (figuratively not literally) (2 hours) First […]

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+ A Parent’s Guide to the Teenage Brain

  A teenager’s brain is not just an adult brain […]

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+ Reading Rescue

A program for children with reading problems

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+ Taming a Toddler

Many parents wonder what hit them when their sweet little baby turns into an unreasonable toddler – ideas for dealing with mealtime, bedtime, temper tanturms, toilet training, noncompliance, etc.

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See more of our workshops


Contact

2720 Rath Street, Putnam, Ontario
NOL 2BO

Phone: (519) 485-4678
Fax: (519) 485-0281

Email: info@rickharper.ca

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Parents' Comments

“I wish we had found Rick 2 years ago. We could have saved ourselves and our son a lot of trouble.”

(T.T. – Byron)