welcome image

If it  was going to be easy to raise kids, it never would have started with something called "labour".

Whining and crying are employed by kids for the purpose of getting something. If it works, then it was worth the effort and will be repeated.

The quickest way to change your child’s behaviour is to first change your own.

The challenge of adolescence is to balance the right of the parents to feel they are in charge with the need of the adolescent to gain independence.

"Cutting" is a visible sign to the world that you are hurting.

It is what we say and do when we're angry that creates the very model our children will follow when dealing with their own frustrations.

When a child is disregulated - is the time parents need to be regulated.

Good parenting requires sacrifice. Childhood lasts for only a few brief years , but it should be given priority while it is passing before your eyes

Children do not develop on their own - they only develop within relationships.

"Unexpressed feeling never die. They are buried alive and come back later in ugly ways." (Stephen Covey)

Learn more.

Question from a parent of a 10 year old girl.

Question: “What can I do when my daughter kicks up a big fuss about having to go with the family to my 7 year old son’s soccer game?

My Suggestion: Tell her – “Honey, you do not have to go to the game. Dad can take him and I’ll stay with you. But understand that you will not be able to go to your friends house for the sleep over tomorrow night and you won’t be going to the theatre with us on the weekend to see that movie you have been talking about. We’ll get a sitter. The choice is yours. We’re leaving for the game  in 10 minutes. You be in the car if you chose to go” – then walk away with no negotiations.

The Result: The mother spoke in a quiet, direct tone. There was no hint of anger. She confirmed that the decision was the daughter’s to make. She clearly spelled out what the consequences would be if the daughter refused to go to the game. There was no question in the daughter’s mind that mom was serious. The daughter was in the car on time and in a good mood and  everybody had a good time. The son scored  the winning  goal.

Epilogue: The key to this approach is for the parent to remain “regulated”.  It is essential that the parent walk away after clearly and briefly explaining the consequences with no further discussion. A lengthy discussion between mom and daughter would likely result  in angry emotions bubbling to the top. Walking away gives the daughter a little space and time to consider her options and she chose the best one.

Back to Top

Workshops

+ Behaviour Management

This full day or 2 evening workshop will introduce you […]

Learn more

+ Lick Your Kids

  “Lick Your Kids” (figuratively not literally) (2 hours) First […]

Learn more

+ A Parent’s Guide to the Teenage Brain

  A teenager’s brain is not just an adult brain […]

Learn more

+ Reading Rescue

A program for children with reading problems

Learn more

+ Taming a Toddler

Many parents wonder what hit them when their sweet little baby turns into an unreasonable toddler – ideas for dealing with mealtime, bedtime, temper tanturms, toilet training, noncompliance, etc.

Learn more

See more of our workshops


Contact

2720 Rath Street, Putnam, Ontario
NOL 2BO

Phone: (519) 485-4678
Fax: (519) 485-0281

Email: info@rickharper.ca

Archive


Parents' Comments

“Our daughter was the joy of our life until she turned 13, then all hell broke loose. Rick helped us understand what was happening to her and we made some adjustments that helped us get through it. She’s now in University and doing well.”

(D.A. – St. Thomas)