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The challenge of adolescence is to balance the right of the parents to feel they are in charge with the need of the adolescent to gain independence.

The teenage years require a delicate balance between the young person's need to gain independence, and the parent's need to retain authority.

Some hope their children will be like sponges soaking up the truth and wisdom imparted by their parents. However appealing this philosophy might be, it seldom seems to catch on with their children.

"Rules without relationship leads to rebellion" (Josh McDowell)

"Parents aren't the cause of ADHD, but they are part of the solution." (Kenny Handleman, M.D.)

Setting limits teaches your children valuable skills they will use the rest of their lives. One day, they will report to a job where their ability to follow rules will dictate their success.

There has been an explosion in the prescribing of medication for very young children, particularly preschool and kindergarten boys (Juli Zito , Univ. of Maryland)

"Moody" and "unpredictable" are adjectives parents will often use when referring to their teenagers.

"To be a man, a boy must see a man."  (J.R. Moehringer)

Children mimic well. They catch what they see better than they follow what they hear.

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Lying – Part 2

 
LYING & TRUST
 
a) Children and teens lie a lot
                  details about        – where they’re going
                                                      – what they’re doing
                                                      – who they’re with
                                                      – doing things forbidden them
                                                      – sometimes they continue to lie even when caught and the facts are undeniable
                                                      – they may become enraged when not believed
                                                      “YOU DON’T TRUST ME !”
 
If trustworthiness of our children and teens is the foundation of integrity in our society, we are in big trouble !
 
(incidentally you parents were not so trustworthy either as children and teens and most of us turned out not all bad)
 
 
 
b) lying is bad – but it is a normal response when children are:
                  1) covering up a wrong
                  2) manipulating a situation in order to advance their cause- their “sliminess” is deplorable – but it
                  is normal (you did it too!)
 
c) parents getting caught up in the issue of lying become a snare, leading to long conflicts that go nowhere good. The lies take precedence over the problem at hand. DO NOT FOCUS ON THE LYING and lose sight of the more immediate and usually more important issue.
 
d) Lying as a child or teen is not an especially reliable indicator of whether or not the child is or will                                        become an honest person.
 
e) what can a parent do when their child is lying:
                  1) keep perspective          – it does not mean he’s on his way to a life of crime
                                                                        – it does not denote a moral crisis
                  2) we should always confront them with their deceit when they are caught
                  3) we must communicate our outrage
                  4) you can impose a consequence for the lie
 
 
IT IS A BIG MISTAKE TO FEEL THAT LYING DESTROYS A SACRED TRUST- TRUSTING YOUR CHILD OR TEEN IS NICE, BUT IT IS A FOOL’S PARADISE.
__________________________________________________________________
 
 
TRUST SHOULD NOT BE A BLANKET ISSUE – EXPERIENCE WILL TEACH YOU THAT IT IS APPROPRIATE TO TRUST ABOUT SOME THINGS AND TO BE WARY ABOUT OTHERS.

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Workshops

+ Behaviour Management (now available online)

This full day or 2 evening workshop will introduce you […]

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+ Lick Your Kids

  “Lick Your Kids” (figuratively not literally) (2 hours) First […]

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+ A Parent’s Guide to the Teenage Brain

  A teenager’s brain is not just an adult brain […]

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+ Reading Rescue

A program for children with reading problems

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+ Taming a Toddler

Many parents wonder what hit them when their sweet little baby turns into an unreasonable toddler – ideas for dealing with mealtime, bedtime, temper tanturms, toilet training, noncompliance, etc.

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Contact

2720 Rath Street, Putnam, Ontario
NOL 2BO

Phone: (519) 485-4678
Fax: (519) 485-0281

Email: info@rickharper.ca

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Parents' Comments

“We are foster parents who took in a 13 year old girl (going on 18!) and she ran us through the wringer. Rick helped us learn how to set limits that made the difference.”

(G.E. – Strathroy)