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Early intervention is always better than crisis management - but it is never too late to do the right thing.

The mistake that Sharon and I both made is we never set any boundaries.  (Ozzy Osbourne)

Many clinicians find it easier to tell parents their child has a brain-based disorder than suggest parenting changes. Jennifer Harris (psychiatrist)

Relationships matter:  change comes through forming trusting relationships. People, not programs change people.

If you (parents) tend to overreact to your child's misbehaviour - your child learns that he can't trust you. Mom, Dad, stay regulated!

Being a parent of a teenager can cure a person of narcissism.

Children fare better when expectations on them are clear and firm.

Children today are under enormous pressures rarely experienced by their parents or grandparents. Many of today's children are being enticed to grow up too quickly and are encountering challenges for which they are totally unprepared.

Hurt people hurt people.

Adolescence can be the cruelest place on earth. It can really be heartless.  ( Tori Amos)

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Homework Hassles (part 2)

 

 

There are 2 kinds of homework resistors and each requires a different response:

  1. the work is too hard for the child
  2. the child views the work as irrelevant, not important or boring

1) If the work is too hard, the child has been placed in an impossible position and his homework resistance will continue and probably escalate. The teacher needs to ensure the work is not beyond the child’s ability and the parent may need to provide the child with organizational help, time management skills, help with understanding the assignment or tutorial help.

2) If the child has the ability to do the work but is resisting because he views it as irrelevant, not important or boring, the parents need to take a different approach. They should arrange a meeting between the teacher, child and parents to clarify each person’s responsibilities. The child needs a very clear message that his job is to take care of his end. If he says it’s boring, your response could be, “Maybe you’re right, but it has to be done anyway” or “You don’t have to like it but you have to do it” or “Too bad, this is how the real world operates.” A homework book could be set up by the teacher informing the parent what needs to be done and the parent’s job is to encourage and facilitate the child’s effort. If the child continues to resist he MUST be held accountable with logical consequences such as loss of after school privileges (eg. TV, soccer, bike, computer, etc.) until the work is done. The parent should avoid all threats, lectures, yelling, reminders, anger, etc. and let the child suffer the consequences.

The pressure is now on the child to follow through on his/her responsibilities. When he fails to complete his job, simply impose the consequences with NO emotion.

Expect your child to test your resolve and do not anticipate a quick turn around. The key is a balanced system with the parents doing their part and only their part without taking responsibility away from the child or teacher. Once the system is set up, all the parent needs to do is follow through and let the system teach the lessons it is intended to teach.

Once again I am indebted to Robert MacKenzie the ideas in his book “Setting Limits in the Classroom”

Rick Harper has been providing help for families for over 40 years.

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Workshops

+ Behaviour Management

This full day or 2 evening workshop will introduce you [...]

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+ Lick Your Kids

  “Lick Your Kids” (figuratively not literally) (2 hours) First [...]

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+ A Parent’s Guide to the Teenage Brain

  A teenager’s brain is not just an adult brain [...]

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+ Reading Rescue

A program for children with reading problems

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+ Taming a Toddler

Many parents wonder what hit them when their sweet little baby turns into an unreasonable toddler – ideas for dealing with mealtime, bedtime, temper tanturms, toilet training, noncompliance, etc.

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Contact

2720 Rath Street, Putnam, Ontario
NOL 2BO

Phone: (519) 485-4678
Fax: (519) 485-0281

Email: info@rickharper.ca

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Parents' Comments

“He is a wealth of knowledge coupled with first hand experience.”

(E.K. – London)