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The teenage years require a delicate balance between the young person's need to gain independence, and the parent's need to retain authority.

A tantruming toddler is a little ball of writhing muscle and incredible strength. It's like trying to carry a greased pig past a slop bucket.

Parents are the external regulator for kids who cannot regulate themselves.

If it  was going to be easy to raise kids, it never would have started with something called "labour".

"Cutting" is a visible sign to the world that you are hurting.

"Moody" and "unpredictable" are adjectives parents will often use when referring to their teenagers.

It's more effective to reward your child for being "good" (appropriate) than to punish him for being "bad" (inappropriate).

Good parenting requires sacrifice. Childhood lasts for only a few brief years , but it should be given priority while it is passing before your eyes

Children mimic well. They catch what they see better than they follow what they hear.

"Unexpressed feeling never die. They are buried alive and come back later in ugly ways." (Stephen Covey)

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Homework Hassles (part 2)

 

 

There are 2 kinds of homework resistors and each requires a different response:

  1. the work is too hard for the child
  2. the child views the work as irrelevant, not important or boring

1) If the work is too hard, the child has been placed in an impossible position and his homework resistance will continue and probably escalate. The teacher needs to ensure the work is not beyond the child’s ability and the parent may need to provide the child with organizational help, time management skills, help with understanding the assignment or tutorial help.

2) If the child has the ability to do the work but is resisting because he views it as irrelevant, not important or boring, the parents need to take a different approach. They should arrange a meeting between the teacher, child and parents to clarify each person’s responsibilities. The child needs a very clear message that his job is to take care of his end. If he says it’s boring, your response could be, “Maybe you’re right, but it has to be done anyway” or “You don’t have to like it but you have to do it” or “Too bad, this is how the real world operates.” A homework book could be set up by the teacher informing the parent what needs to be done and the parent’s job is to encourage and facilitate the child’s effort. If the child continues to resist he MUST be held accountable with logical consequences such as loss of after school privileges (eg. TV, soccer, bike, computer, etc.) until the work is done. The parent should avoid all threats, lectures, yelling, reminders, anger, etc. and let the child suffer the consequences.

The pressure is now on the child to follow through on his/her responsibilities. When he fails to complete his job, simply impose the consequences with NO emotion.

Expect your child to test your resolve and do not anticipate a quick turn around. The key is a balanced system with the parents doing their part and only their part without taking responsibility away from the child or teacher. Once the system is set up, all the parent needs to do is follow through and let the system teach the lessons it is intended to teach.

Once again I am indebted to Robert MacKenzie the ideas in his book “Setting Limits in the Classroom”

Rick Harper has been providing help for families for over 40 years.

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Workshops

+ Behaviour Management

This full day or 2 evening workshop will introduce you […]

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+ Lick Your Kids

  “Lick Your Kids” (figuratively not literally) (2 hours) First […]

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+ A Parent’s Guide to the Teenage Brain

  A teenager’s brain is not just an adult brain […]

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+ Reading Rescue

A program for children with reading problems

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+ Taming a Toddler

Many parents wonder what hit them when their sweet little baby turns into an unreasonable toddler – ideas for dealing with mealtime, bedtime, temper tanturms, toilet training, noncompliance, etc.

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See more of our workshops


Contact

2720 Rath Street, Putnam, Ontario
NOL 2BO

Phone: (519) 485-4678
Fax: (519) 485-0281

Email: info@rickharper.ca

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Parents' Comments

“Rick’s approach is so logical. He helped us clearly define the problem, analyze what has happened and select the best strategy. We now feel empowered to do something positive for our kid”

(A.N. – Tillsonburg)