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We should not medicate the boys so they fit the school; we should change the school to fit the boy. (Leonard Sax, M.D. Ph.D)

Some hope their children will be like sponges soaking up the truth and wisdom imparted by their parents. However appealing this philosophy might be, it seldom seems to catch on with their children.

Simple rules adhered to when children are young can prevent more serious problems later.

"Cutting" is a visible sign to the world that you are hurting.

The quickest way to change your child’s behaviour is to first change your own.

Setting limits teaches your children valuable skills they will use the rest of their lives. One day, they will report to a job where their ability to follow rules will dictate their success.

When a child is disregulated - is the time parents need to be regulated.

"The thing that impresses me most about North America is the way parents obey their children"    (King Edward VII , 1841-1910)

Hurt people hurt people.

The mistake that Sharon and I both made is we never set any boundaries.  (Ozzy Osbourne)

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Homework Hassles (part 2)

 

 

There are 2 kinds of homework resistors and each requires a different response:

  1. the work is too hard for the child
  2. the child views the work as irrelevant, not important or boring

1) If the work is too hard, the child has been placed in an impossible position and his homework resistance will continue and probably escalate. The teacher needs to ensure the work is not beyond the child’s ability and the parent may need to provide the child with organizational help, time management skills, help with understanding the assignment or tutorial help.

2) If the child has the ability to do the work but is resisting because he views it as irrelevant, not important or boring, the parents need to take a different approach. They should arrange a meeting between the teacher, child and parents to clarify each person’s responsibilities. The child needs a very clear message that his job is to take care of his end. If he says it’s boring, your response could be, “Maybe you’re right, but it has to be done anyway” or “You don’t have to like it but you have to do it” or “Too bad, this is how the real world operates.” A homework book could be set up by the teacher informing the parent what needs to be done and the parent’s job is to encourage and facilitate the child’s effort. If the child continues to resist he MUST be held accountable with logical consequences such as loss of after school privileges (eg. TV, soccer, bike, computer, etc.) until the work is done. The parent should avoid all threats, lectures, yelling, reminders, anger, etc. and let the child suffer the consequences.

The pressure is now on the child to follow through on his/her responsibilities. When he fails to complete his job, simply impose the consequences with NO emotion.

Expect your child to test your resolve and do not anticipate a quick turn around. The key is a balanced system with the parents doing their part and only their part without taking responsibility away from the child or teacher. Once the system is set up, all the parent needs to do is follow through and let the system teach the lessons it is intended to teach.

Once again I am indebted to Robert MacKenzie the ideas in his book “Setting Limits in the Classroom”

Rick Harper has been providing help for families for over 40 years.

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Workshops

+ Behaviour Management

This full day or 2 evening workshop will introduce you […]

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+ Lick Your Kids

  “Lick Your Kids” (figuratively not literally) (2 hours) First […]

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+ A Parent’s Guide to the Teenage Brain

  A teenager’s brain is not just an adult brain […]

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+ Reading Rescue

A program for children with reading problems

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+ Taming a Toddler

Many parents wonder what hit them when their sweet little baby turns into an unreasonable toddler – ideas for dealing with mealtime, bedtime, temper tanturms, toilet training, noncompliance, etc.

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Contact

2720 Rath Street, Putnam, Ontario
NOL 2BO

Phone: (519) 485-4678
Fax: (519) 485-0281

Email: info@rickharper.ca

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“I wish we had found Rick 2 years ago. We could have saved ourselves and our son a lot of trouble.”

(T.T. – Byron)