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The mistake that Sharon and I both made is we never set any boundaries.  (Ozzy Osbourne)

If you (parents) tend to overreact to your child's misbehaviour - your child learns that he can't trust you. Mom, Dad, stay regulated!

It's more effective to reward your child for being "good" (appropriate) than to punish him for being "bad" (inappropriate).

Setting limits teaches your children valuable skills they will use the rest of their lives. One day, they will report to a job where their ability to follow rules will dictate their success.

Parenting style matters - a lot!

"Cutting" is a visible sign to the world that you are hurting.

Criticism is not a motivator.

It is what we say and do when we're angry that creates the very model our children will follow when dealing with their own frustrations.

"Moody" and "unpredictable" are adjectives parents will often use when referring to their teenagers.

"Unexpressed feeling never die. They are buried alive and come back later in ugly ways." (Stephen Covey)

Adolescence can be the cruelest place on earth. It can really be heartless.  ( Tori Amos)

"The thing that impresses me most about North America is the way parents obey their children"    (King Edward VII , 1841-1910)

Removing a child from a traumatic environment does not remove the trauma from the child's memory.

When a child is disregulated - is the time parents need to be regulated.

Children fare better when expectations on them are clear and firm.

Good parenting requires sacrifice. Childhood lasts for only a few brief years , but it should be given priority while it is passing before your eyes

The quickest way to change your child’s behaviour is to first change your own.

Don't wait for him to turn 10 before you reveal that you are not in fact the hired help whose job it is to clean up after him.

Children mimic well. They catch what they see better than they follow what they hear.

Whining and crying are employed by kids for the purpose of getting something. If it works, then it was worth the effort and will be repeated.

If you are headed in the wrong direction as a parent - you are allowed to make a U-turn.

Early intervention is always better than crisis management - but it is never too late to do the right thing.

Children do not develop on their own - they only develop within relationships.

The challenge of adolescence is to balance the right of the parents to feel they are in charge with the need of the adolescent to gain independence.

Parents are the external regulator for kids who cannot regulate themselves.

The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice. (Peggy O'Mara)

Hurt people hurt people.

Relationships matter:  change comes through forming trusting relationships. People, not programs change people.

Many clinicians find it easier to tell parents their child has a brain-based disorder than suggest parenting changes. Jennifer Harris (psychiatrist)

You cannot reason with someone who is being unreasonable.

"Parents aren't the cause of ADHD, but they are part of the solution." (Kenny Handleman, M.D.)

The teenage years require a delicate balance between the young person's need to gain independence, and the parent's need to retain authority.

If it  was going to be easy to raise kids, it never would have started with something called "labour".

Children today are under enormous pressures rarely experienced by their parents or grandparents. Many of today's children are being enticed to grow up too quickly and are encountering challenges for which they are totally unprepared.

The more 2 parents differ in their approaches to discipline, the more likely it leads to trouble for the child.

Simple rules adhered to when children are young can prevent more serious problems later.

If there is no relationship - nothing else matters !

"Rules without relationship leads to rebellion" (Josh McDowell)

Being a parent of a teenager can cure a person of narcissism.

The best inheritance  parents can give their children is a few minutes of their time each day.

A tantruming toddler is a little ball of writhing muscle and incredible strength. It's like trying to carry a greased pig past a slop bucket.

Wouldn't it be nice if children would simply listen and learn.

"To be a man, a boy must see a man."  (J.R. Moehringer)

We should not medicate the boys so they fit the school; we should change the school to fit the boy. (Leonard Sax, M.D. Ph.D)

There has been an explosion in the prescribing of medication for very young children, particularly preschool and kindergarten boys (Juli Zito , Univ. of Maryland)

Some hope their children will be like sponges soaking up the truth and wisdom imparted by their parents. However appealing this philosophy might be, it seldom seems to catch on with their children.

Learn more.

Links

These are helpful resources for your family:

Online:

www.kidsmentalhealth.ca

www.abacuslist.ca

www.adoption.on.ca

Suggested Reading:

The Explosive Child by Ross W. Green Ph.D.

The Boy Who Was Raised As a Dog by Bruce Perry M.D.

Bringing Up Boys by James Dobson Ph.D.

1-2-3 Magic by Thomas Phelan Ph.D.

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Workshops

+ Behaviour Management (now available online)

This full day or 2 evening workshop will introduce you […]

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+ A Parent’s Guide to the Teenage Brain

  A teenager’s brain is not just an adult brain […]

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+ Reading Rescue

A program for children with reading problems

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+ A Guided Tour of ADHD (now available online)

This workshop will present the facts, myths, misconceptions, controversy and […]

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Contact

2720 Rath Street, Putnam, Ontario
NOL 2BO

Phone: (519) 485-4678
Fax: (519) 485-0281

Email: info@rickharper.ca

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Parents' Comments

“Our daughter was the joy of our life until she turned 13, then all hell broke loose. Rick helped us understand what was happening to her and we made some adjustments that helped us get through it. She’s now in University and doing well.”

(D.A. – St. Thomas)