Lying – Part 2
LYING & TRUST
a) Children and teens lie a lot
details about – where they’re going
– what they’re doing
– who they’re with
– doing things forbidden them
– sometimes they continue to lie even when caught and the facts are undeniable
– they may become enraged when not believed
“YOU DON’T TRUST ME !”
If trustworthiness of our children and teens is the foundation of integrity in our society, we are in big trouble !
(incidentally you parents were not so trustworthy either as children and teens and most of us turned out not all bad)
b) lying is bad – but it is a normal response when children are:
1) covering up a wrong
2) manipulating a situation in order to advance their cause- their “sliminess” is deplorable – but it
is normal (you did it too!)
c) parents getting caught up in the issue of lying become a snare, leading to long conflicts that go nowhere good. The lies take precedence over the problem at hand. DO NOT FOCUS ON THE LYING and lose sight of the more immediate and usually more important issue.
d) Lying as a child or teen is not an especially reliable indicator of whether or not the child is or will become an honest person.
e) what can a parent do when their child is lying:
1) keep perspective – it does not mean he’s on his way to a life of crime
– it does not denote a moral crisis
2) we should always confront them with their deceit when they are caught
3) we must communicate our outrage
4) you can impose a consequence for the lie
IT IS A BIG MISTAKE TO FEEL THAT LYING DESTROYS A SACRED TRUST- TRUSTING YOUR CHILD OR TEEN IS NICE, BUT IT IS A FOOL’S PARADISE.
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TRUST SHOULD NOT BE A BLANKET ISSUE – EXPERIENCE WILL TEACH YOU THAT IT IS APPROPRIATE TO TRUST ABOUT SOME THINGS AND TO BE WARY ABOUT OTHERS.
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